Filed under: Images
Filed under: Images
Cartoon sent to me from Jetti and Moo!
If your eyes are good enough, you might be able to make out this dude’s website: www.brendanlovechild.com which I suggest checking out for those of you who haven’t got enough comic sans in their life!
But, after much anticipation tomorrow is the day!
Wish me luck!
Filed under: everyday living
After monitoring every word during the day, striping language to its most bare, most functional, it is a relief to add to odd additional adjectival clause.
I start wishing I was Levinas constructing elaboarte structures for my arguments or Orton piecing together the next mishap for my characters. In fact by 5:00pm I wish I was anyone but me. Sebastian, Cleopatre, Lear, for Christ’s sake. mmm… Sake, yes please.
Suddenly, the form of my life is important.
The way I organise my day is paramount. I imagine waking early to watch the crowds rush to work. I imagine wandering down to the cafe to watch me rush my morning coffee. I imagine the witching hour as my day begins to take shape. I construct my daily schedule in the hope that one day it will be mine to live.
I have never felt trapped in this way before. I felt like my life was going nowhere fast. Now I feel like I am stuck on repeat. But now i know that there is no way to get ahead so I should just stop struggling to improve my lot. We say that the Hindu are harsh allocating everyone their place. But the West holds out the promise of moving up while holding the ladder close.
Filed under: outings
— one…two…three… clear…
after a full five days behind the same desk… I go out into the night to try and reclaim a small part of my life…
one boy reminds me I do not know him at all… i apologize… and buy another beer.
scenes change.
I’ve found a new backdrop but keep repeating the same action hoping somewhere I will find the energy that was sapped from me during the week. I think I’m finding it somewhere around 1:30am as those around me aplaud me back to my feet from an interpretative dance move that hit a new low.
scene change.
I’m now making pointless converstaion with the band i can no longer remember the name of.
i say my goodbyes satisfied that work has not stolen this night from me. i stumble home to an empty bed. bed’s calling – but i know the sparrows will get a head start on me tomorrow and that it’s probably best to beat them to it. I put a load of washing on, and perhaps do some dishes. Suddenly i realise that i’ve been running around, for like eight hours, and need to refuel. Put the grill on and begin to fix myself a feast suitable for a television king.
whooo. Moving so quickly. Could do with a quick lie down while my feast bakes.
wake up. the sparrows are well fed. go the bathroom. get to the kitchen realise that my stomach is devouring itself. decide to fix myself a feast.
— Shit! Fuck! The grill is still on.
realise that there’s ash flying around my head.
— SHIT. FUCK.
— Wait… He’s breathing. Hello, can you hear me.
Filed under: outings
[current music system of a down: mezmerize]
i wish i was going to see system tonight. instead i shall be trekking out to see some local bands at collies. that will just have to suffice.
i have just realised that i have been living under the delusion that once eurovladd left for shanghai that i also had two weeks off.
Tuesday morning will be shock to the system.
Filed under: blogging
well, one may ascertain from the lack of postings that my life is rather dull.
I am working way too hard, playing way too hard and probably eating and drinking way too much.
Thank f*** it’s a long weekend. Now instead of sitting here updating you all about my pitiful life I am off to frolic in the sunshine and hunt down coffee and possibly gifts.
Filed under: everyday living
my little rented box is not a haven. there are no springs at its heart.
Our little rented box is being rennovated. We have NO shower. Sure, we are not paying rent. But i still cannot shower. my little rented box is playing host to visitors. They also cannot shower. They say that house guests begin to smell after three days, house guests who can’t shower begin to smell a lot sooner.
I hate my house at the moment and i had to escape. Maybe i will not return this week. I just can’t cope.
Tonight there are a number of things that press heavily on my head. There are many things that i have not been able to complete during my waking hours, each day i add to the list, each day i am paralysed by the guilt of another thing not completed. I must make some time to cross things off.
I need time to pick up each of my possessions and examine its value in my life and decide whether it is worth keeping or tossing to wind.
Sometimes help is on it’s way. Sometimes it is just delayed.
un:
i have been fortunate this week to find the time to finish reading The Autobiography of Alice B. Toklas.
i have been hit by a semi-trailer. My life is now a blur.
Gertrude has snatched my brain and is frockling with it. This wasn’t without her initially planting some well placed punches.
We went from one room to another and quite frankly we had no idea which
of the pictures the Saturday evening crowd would have thought art and
which were just the attempts of what in France are known as the
Sunday painters, workingmen, hairdressers and veterinaries and visionaries
who only paint once a week when they do not have to work.
Work presses hard on my life. i must confess that i have indeed become one of these Sunday painters. There are no revolutions orbiting around my axis. This is not my life. I don’t remember agreeing to this.
deux:
And i actually really enjoy my job. No day is ever the same. i am building skills that will get me where i want. Imagine if i didn’t.
i signed on to this because i needed to finish my degree. i won’t allow it to prolong any longer. i now wonder whether it would’ve been better staying where i was answering phone calls.
“hello, uniadvice, how can i help you?”
But that was boring and uninspiring. I need to learn to do as much as i can at work and then switch off. they are not paying for this time. This is rent free space – FUCK OFF.
actually the concept of work is not so bad if you realise it is only temporary.
i realise how valuable my life in holland was. i now need to find a way of making that sustainable. i will not be a ricky swallow.
trois:
It’s hard when those around you are in different chapters.
i am reading chapters of budapest of san fran and having london texted in. But it is with these coordinates that allow me to chart my course.
i bought my first sarah tansey on the weekend. i can’t wait to get it.
music < >
I’ve finally started. Predictably, not while I’m swanning around europa or while I sit in a darkened room tending a broken heart. This is not the eve of some great triumph. There is no news. There has been no death or out – of -body experience.
I’m at home. Returning home always generates content for me. I slept in my bed last week for the first time since July 2003. Today, I felt the pain of returning home, it was as if I was just stepping off the plane into the glaring Australian sun. Everybody always says the light is different here. You don’t notice till you return and you feel the light in your eyes. But, everybody says that. Nobody could’ve prepared me for the tears that spontaneously erupted as I carried my first weeks shopping home from Woollies that first Wednesday. Or the sickening revolt that I feel now at how familiar everything is.
How I’ve let myself forget so much in six short weeks. But this is what I know:
Today it was not familiar. Today it bled with the energy of a new cut, attempting to flush clinging bacteria from its site. This is an attempt to not let myself forget. This is the first aid.
