cease and desist

So, since this blog is primarily for me, i feel justified in posting things of interest solely to me. For those stumbling upon this blog who don’t want to read purple explorations of my inner thoughts, scroll now.

i’ve been wondering all year what significance this is year will have for me. the pressure on myself to do well is almost crippling, can we all say self-sabotage? However, there have been some healthier attempts to try and make this year “work” for me. Regardless of the roller-coaster like world that is ThesisLand, i have attempted to stay in touch with where i am on the ride.

One thing i’ve picked up over the last few years is that i go out-of-control most when i’m not keeping a check on myself. All of my most regretable experiences have occured while drinking at times where i was too busy, too involved to spend time with myself. Knowing that i couldn’t afford to be off the rails for any extended period this year, i would jokingly tell everybody that i was running away to become a hermit. And i thought that is what would be required.

However, i’ve noticed that wasn’t what was required. Isolation isn’t what i needed, focus was.

This anagnorisis was spurred on by a re-occuring card that kept popping up in my tarot readings.

From Learn Tarot:
On the Eight of Pentacles we see a young man who is hammering away at a coin. He has finished six and has another coin to go. It is clear that he is in the middle of a project that absorbs all his attention. He’s isolated himself from others (the town in the background) in order to concentrate. In this scene we see the essential elements of the Eight of Pentacles: hard work and attention to detail.

This card often implies a time of great diligence and focus. It advises you to hammer away at the business of the moment, whether a work project, family difficulty, personal goal or unpleasant duty. Sometimes blessings fall into our laps to be enjoyed. Other times we must put out great effort to obtain them. The Eight of Pentacles represents moments when you must give 110%. Just buckle down and do it. Fortunately, this kind of work is invigorating and leads to superb results. The labor of the Eight of Pentacles is deeply satisfying and productive.

The Eight of Pentacles can also symbolize the impulse to learn – to broaden horizons (to use an old-fashioned term). Sometimes we need to develop new skills. We do research, dig out facts or search for expertise. The Hermit is looking for inner knowledge. The man on the Eight of Pentacles seeks external knowledge – the how and why of the material world.

This card can also show the need for meticulous attention. People who are painstaking are often dismissed as nit-pickers, but their extra effort ensures everything is as it should be. It’s a matter of caring – taking the time to check the little details. Now is not the time to be slipshod or casual. Look for errors, and tie up loose ends. The key to success is an extraordinary effort. Whatever your task, the Eight of Pentacles tells you to give it your all in every way.

i couldn’t say it better myself.